Zell Miller

« February 2004 »

Memo to Zell Miller: YOU ARE DUMB, GODDAMMIT.

This, by the way, is why it's important to remember that party affiliation and belief systems are not even remotely related. Because so far, despite my voting history, this makes TWO "Democrats" who've shown up in these hallowed pages, and only one minor Republican cabinet official. No party has the monopoly on saying stupid shit. C.F. "Joementum".

Of course, Zell Miller is one of those barely reconstructed Southern Democrats. (We've discussed the problems with The South already, so I don't need to cover that same pigfucking ground. This time.) You know. The Dixiecrats. The guys that got all grumpy when their party decided to stop oppressing minorities at least in principle. Most of 'em became Republicans, a party still more simpatico to keeping the albedo-deficient 'in their place'.

But fucks like Zell Miller still hang around, voting for Bush, quoting Rush, and just generally ruining things for everyone by being old, white, Southern assholes while inexplicably retaining the (D) next to their name on the news.

I thought I was gonna be done with the whole Justin Timberlake thing. I didn't think I'd even get the chance to start calling it the Justin Timberlake thing instead of the Janet Jackson thing (since first, he did the ripping, and second, I have an ineffable soft spot in my heart for 'Nasty Boys') because I thought, after a call for investigation and a lawsuit, I'd pretty much covered the retardomagnetic spectrum of the whole incident.

But with an investigation comes Congressional testimony, where your highly paid, and even more highly bribed, public officials earn their keep by making long speeches filled with insight, wisdom, and statesmanship.

"Does any responsible adult ever listen to the words of this rap crap? I'd quote you some of it, but the sergeant of arms would throw me out of here, as well he should." - Zell Miller.

It's enough to make you fear for the future of the species, honestly. I mean, we're coming up on THIRTY YEARS of rap and hip-hop culture, and Zell Motherfucking Miller still thinks he's clever for remembering that "rap" and "crap" share certain phonetic similarities? When Yakov Smirnoff is calling you an unfunny, tedious bastard from behind his cardboard box, it's time to brave the corrupt media for some new material, Zell.

In this same speech, by the way, he managed to be against gay marriage, defend Judge Roy "Ten Commandments Guy" Moore who, if I ever get hold of a time machine, is gonna get an entire MONTH'S worth of coverage here, implied that the First Amendment means the government just shouldn't bug you about which KIND of Christian you are, and called for the tarring and feathering of Kid Rock for reasons completely unrelated to his musical output.

He is PART OF THE PROBLEM. He desperately misses 1953, and wants to drag us all back there, even though all the evidence points to us actually liking HBO and internet porn and associating with non-whites. HE IS DUMB. And all you Georgian fuckers who kept voting him in are dumb, too.

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