« December 2007 »

Memo to Sudan: YOU ARE DUMB.

One of the biggest problems with religious fundamentalism is what it does to a person's sense of self-awareness. Specifically, the way it completely obliterates it. The only way they can say and do the things they do is because of their complete inability to comprehend what it looks and sounds like.

Case in point - the Sudanese government, which, as I'm sure you've heard by now, has imprisoned a middle-aged British schoolteacher for allowing her kids to name a teddy bear "Muhammed". Muhammed is the prophet, and the prophet was not a teddy bear, therefore the teacher has committed a grave affront to Islam and has violated Sudanese law.

You see what I mean? You can't do that if you've got even a smidge of self-awareness. You cannot walk up to a woman and say to her, "I'm sorry, but you named a teddy bear. We're taking you to jail now." Even if she'd given the bear the name herself, and not had her seven-year old Sudanese students vote on it. I don't care if it's only a fifteen-day sentence. Naming a teddy bear is not a criminal offense in the Republic of Sanity.

Self-awareness would tell you that. You would hear yourself sentencing a schoolteacher to a short prison sentence over the teddy bear name, and you would stop, and ask "What the fuck is wrong with me? What am I doing? You're free to go."

Similarly, if you're out in the street, and you were to, oh, I don't know. Find yourself waving a sword over your head and calling loudly for the teacher to be EXECUTED over the teddy bear incident, self-awareness would be the trigger that made you realize something was seriously fucking wrong with you. I don't care why you're doing it. I don't care if you're just showing off your new scimitar, or have a thing for angry mobs regardless of their motivation. There is no possible justification for wanting someone to die over a teddy bear. Not even the guy who invented Teddy Ruxpin, although in his case, calls for maiming are acceptable.

Not to mention the fact that stupid shit like this is like manna from heaven to our local, garden-variety bigots, who instantly assume that they're crazy because they're Muslim, not that they're crazy because THEY'RE CRAZY. Just because the cultural norms here in America don't generally allow for standing in the street and yelling while waving a sword doesn't mean we don't have the same brand of crazy. It just expresses itself differently, like calls to boycott Teletubbies because Tinky Winky is clearly a homo. Or running over Dixie Chicks CDs with a steamroller. No, it's all of Islam that's the problem.*

Which is especially bigoted and rude of them since the person most entitled to that view, Gillian Gibbons, the woman on the receiving end of all the crazy, thinks the bigots need to shut the fuck up. But don't let me put words like "fuck" in the mouth of a British schoolteacher. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"She just doesn't want any resentment to Muslims. She doesn't want people using her and her case as something to stoke up resentment towards anyone, towards Sudanese people, towards Muslims or whatever." - Gibbons' son, John.

See? She fucking well gets it. And unlike your Schlussels, your Malkins, or that Jawa Report douchebag, she's actually got cause for resentment. But she understands what she's the victim of. Not a religion, but a whole pile of its crazy fundamentalist adherents, doing crazy shit they wouldn't be able to do if they could see, for five seconds, what it looked like from out here. Which is something that the bigots and the crazies have in common.

*By the way, every time you hear some Neanderfuck going on about where are the moderate Muslims protesting this horrible outrage, know that these people are deliberately avoiding Google News, because I had to wade through dozens of stories about moderate Muslims protesting this horrible outrage before I could get to a story with the core facts of the case. Just because you pretend not to see something doesn't mean it isn't there.