« January 2012 »

Memo to Men Going Their Own Way: HAVEN'T YOU GONE YET?

If there's one special interest group I find consistently hilarious, it's the Embittered Male Martyrs, known amongst their own as the Men's Movement or whatever. Basically, the EMM's are to gender what "persecuted Christians" are to religion or Pat Buchanan is to race, but with the added hilarious bonus of being uniformly pathetic.

Because Embittered Male Martyrs are trying to turn being middle-aged divorced guys paying child support into a political movement. They've decided that "the bitch that took everything" isn't just a person, it's a symptom of a diseased culture where women, and the man-traitors who pretend to believe in feminism in order to get laid, are keeping them down.

One of their hangouts is the Men Going Their Own Way forum, or MGTOW. An acronym that rolls off the tongue THAT clumsily makes me wonder what else rolled off the tongue that clumsily, and therefore why they're all bitter, divorced douchebags. Anyway, Mmmmguhtowww came to my attention because of a hilarious thread complaining about female empowerment propaganda in the video game industry, a medium famous for its gynocentric portrayals of feminist struggle. The first of many ACTUAL QUOTE TIMEs!

"...the recent one I have been playing recently is Shogun 2 total war. Now for those who don't know what this game is, it is a strategy game based on the military of feudal Japan. I recently bought an upgrade for the game the other day and guess what one of the strongest military units was? Nuns. I shit you not. The nuns had an attack 20% -40% higher than most units in the game. Somehow I doubt that in real life a nun would have swung a sword or used a spear faster and harder than a feudal warlord, and this game was based on history."

OK... I mean, I suppose if you're just basing this off your expectation of total and complete accuracy of your romanticized Japanese military strategy game, you could just be the kind of sad nerd who complained that the Macho Man voice patch for Skyrim was "lore-breaking". But I think we all know "just" doesn't enter into it.

"Video games are the last place for guys to hang out and now women are taking over. Why not just save us the trouble and instead of eliminating our fantasy world just throw us in work camp to provide for thier bastard children (literally speaking) while they shit all over us...wait they already do that."

Oh, there's the stuff. There's the tube sock filled with hate-jerk, the wild extrapolation from slightly overpowered nuns in a computer game to "I Am"* being sent to a work camp. Or it would be a wild extrapolation, except "I Am" is ALREADY in a "work camp" paying for a woman's "bastard child". Wonder how that could have happened.

But the best part about these minoxidil-swilling micrococks? They have a running thing about how they are the enlightened people who have "taken the red pill" and woken up from the female-controlled Matrix into the "real world". No fucking kidding. Of course, their red pill isn't a reality-booster offered by Morpheus, it's just a tablet of Extenze offered by a grinning idiot. Case in point:

"I saw a documentary on the making of the original Tomb Raider once. The lead character, Lara Croft, was originally going to be a man. They saw him as an Indiana Jones-type character. Then, one of the designers suggested it be a woman because "if you're going to be playing a game for hours, you might as well have something good to look at... It's been going on a long, long time. When you first take the red pill, it's amazing the things you see. It's as if you had blinders on before, and all of sudden they've been removed, allowing you to actually understand what you've been seeing." - "Calloway".

Yes, that's it. You've had the blinders taken off. You're understanding and seeing that male developers creating a buxom lead character so that male players could stare at her tits and ass for 30 hours straight is part of the feminist plot to de-ball America's men. There's nothing wrong or warped about your perceptions at all. That's not a bald spot, it's a solar panel for a hate machine.

You may think I am cherrypicking to make them look bad. That couldn't be farther from the truth. There isn't enough time in the world or space in the column to deconstruct the stupidity in the first page of this thread, which stretches to eleven full pages. So in an attempt to establish a lower boundary, having established an example at the higher end of crazy, I give you Dudeist Priest, who actually blames the situation on men. Sort of.

"Many dweebs who play video games, being passive followers, see themselves as women, and therefore unconsciously identify with symbols of female power. This phenomenon has its source in *geeks* who haven't developed a masculine identity, not feminazis."

See? Not everything is women's fault. Some things are the fault of men who, um, act and think like women. Which is apparently just as bad. Or worse. I can't tell anymore. I mean, what fucking good are all these invasive government privacy violations and abuses of executive power if they're not being used to find all these "men", round them up, and soak them in tanks of soy-based plant estrogens until they start lactating? No fucking good at all.

*The user name is the window to the soul, I guess.