Caucus? They Hardly Knew Us!

« January 2012 »

Memo to Brad Drake, Rick Womick, and Jerry Bergevin: YOU ARE DUMB.

Sure, everyone else is talking about the caucus results today. But I don't know the caucus results yet, so fuck the caucus right in its caucus. I'm not going to line up with the other caucus-suckers today. I'm going to manage an entire IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS without mentioning the caucus or any of the participants. Which is challenging as hell, because Santorum has been BEGGING FOR IT for days. But I'll get to him. Right now, it's time to clear out the muck at the Stupid Farm, where hick state legislators manage to produce a bounty crop in any season.

"I’m sick and tired of this sensitivity movement for criminals. There shouldn’t be anything controversial about a .45-caliber bullet. If it were up to me we would just throw them off the Sunshine Skyway bridge and be done with it. We still have Old Sparky. And if that doesn’t suit the criminal, then we will provide them a .45 caliber lead cocktail instead.. In the words of Humphrey Bogart, ‘Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.‘ I am so tired of being humane to inhumane people." - Florida state representative Brad Drake, explaining why he wants to bring the electric chair and firing squad back to Florida.

I love it when fuckwits get on a roll. They have this idea, inspired, by, oh, let's say some random constituent bitching about how long it took to execute some dude in Florida, and just fucking run with it without thinking. And since Brad Drake's part of the law-making brigade in America's Penis, he decided he'd write a law!

Of course, I don't live in Florida, so it doesn't really bother me that an elected member of their government doesn't actually have a clue regarding the logistical challenges in hurling condemned criminals off a fucking bridge. All the benefits of lynching, but with the added cleanup cost of dudes in boats with nets or, alternately, bloated corpses clogging the waterways! That kind of cavalier stupidity would probably bug me if I lived in Florida.

Of course, if I lived in Florida, I'd also be worried about being led by someone that thought Humphrey Bogart was in Gone With The Wind, and is unable to see the blatant, obvious irony of what his inability to be humane to inhumane people opens himself up to. Maybe you people who live in Florida ought to do something about that, once you're done figuring out that your governor's a tool.

"Personally, I don’t trust one Muslim in our military because they’re commanded to lie to us through the term called Taqiyya. And if they truly are a devout Muslim, and follow the Quran and the Sunnah, then I feel threatened because they’re commanded to kill me... We have a whole culture who outright comes out and says, ‘we are authorized, we are commanded by a God, a false God, to kill everyone who won’t convert.’ Versus one nutjob over in Norway... Absolutely he’s a false God. There’s only one God: Jehovah. And the son, Christ Jesus who died on the Cross. Now because I believe that, I have a Fatwa on my head. I will never convert to Islam. Allah is not a real God. - Tennessee State representative Rick Womick.

I'm not even going to get into the anti-Islam boilerplate here. That "Taquiyya" and "commanded to kill me" stuff is straight out of the forwarded e-mail template that's been the sum total of right-wing comparative religion for a decade. It's theological xenophobia, and it's only mildly interesting because Rick "The Hick" Womick has a tiny amount of power in America's Dumbest State.

But I'd like to take a second to explore why Womick is an apologist for Anders Breivik, the anti-Muslim mass murderer in Norway. Womick is essentially giving Breivik a pass because at least Breivik believed in a REAL GOD, not a fake one. And since there's nothing in any of Christianity's holy books about murder or killing except that one short sentence about how it's wrong, clearly Breivik was crazy, and not the instrument of the same warped ideology that Womick himself subscribes to. Which could refer to either Christianity or Islamophobia, at this point.

Also, bonus points to Hick Hickhick for accidentally almost starting a Monty Python sketch. "There is one God! Jehovah! And his son, Jesus Christ. Two! Two gods!"

"I want the full portrait of evolution and the people who came up with the ideas to be presented. It's a worldview and it's godless. Atheism has been tried in various societies, and they've been pretty criminal domestically and internationally. The Soviet Union, Cuba, the Nazis, China today: they don't respect human rights. As a general court we should be concerned with criminal ideas like this and how we are teaching it... Columbine, remember that? They were believers in evolution. That's evidence right there," - New Hampshire state legislator Jerry Bergevin, explaining why he's written a bill to prohibit the teaching of evolution in schools.

Let's walk this one back to front. Leave it to a creationist to not understand the meaning of the word "evidence". A vaguely remembered warping of a right-wing myth - probably that lie about them shooting the girl after asking if she believed in God - is not "evidence". A fossil, on the other hand, is.

Second, evolution isn't a criminal idea. Technically, if either "idea" could be said to be criminal... well, only one of these concepts has been ruled unconstitutional by state and federal courts, so to use terminology from another "general court", game, set, and match, fuckhead.

Third, I know creationist "thinking", and when he says "the people who came up with the ideas", he means Darwin, and when he says that Darwin was an atheist, well, that's another thing you'd expect from a creationist - a gross oversimplification of a complicated situation. Not that it matters - even if evolution was invented by an atheist, and other atheists did bad things, that doesn't somehow work its way backward through time, undoing the work of an atheist who didn't hurt anyone and died long before Adolf Hitler (also complicated, but nominally Christian) went on a genocidal rampage.

I mean, that would be like saying that every idea for a law that a state legislator had was based on cruelty, bigotry, and pig-fucking rural ignorance of science just because these three specific positions embody those traits so completely. And that would be wrong.