Archive - Jul 13, 2007

Dick About It, Dick Dick About It

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Memo to Operation Save America: YOU ARE DUMB.

And more importantly, you are huge, huge dicks. I never thought I'd say this to a group like this, but really, I'd appreciate it if you'd just go back to trying to shut down abortion clinics.

I mean, I don't think a blastula has consciousness, but at least I understand, if you're crazy enough to not only believe in a "soul", but believe that soul exists in two cells, four cells, eight cells*, etc., I can understand why you'd want to do everything in your power to stop them from being snuffed. You're still completely fucking wrong, and assholes about it, but your extremism is at least explicable.

Considerably LESS explicable is the actions of three members of Operation Save America, who yesterday got dragged out of the Senate for attempting to shout down the person speaking. Certain red-flag words were bandied about. Words like "abomination". Words like "gross". And while I can think of any number of gross abominations that have taken place on the floor of the Senate, this wasn't one of them.

What this WAS was the customary morning prayer invocation in the Senate. Why the Senate feels it needs a morning invocation is beyond me, but what the hell. If they need a hug from Invisible Daddy before they go about their business of fucking up the country, I can't stop them. Yesterday's invocation, however, was not to Invisible Daddy. It was to Invisible Daddies. More accurately, the invocation was delivered by a Hindu cleric - one Rajan Zed, from Nevada. And that was unacceptable to the kind, loving, God-fearing people of Operation Save America. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"What we have here is just a wonderful example of Christian theology becoming biography in the sacred chamber of the United States Senate, as a Hindu was offering up a prayer to open up the session this morning. And the folks that were there... waited for the Senate, or a Senator with a backbone, to remind the Hindu that there is one God who made this country great, and his name is Jesus." - Operation Save America president Flip "It Like" Benham.

Did I miss a memo? Is Jesus the one true God now? Is that really a wonderful example of Christian theology? Did he bump off his old man, and when Yahweh dies, they all moved up in rank? I don't get it. And I hope I never do, so don't try to explain it to me. For all I care, you can believe that Jesus holyghostwrote the Declaration of Independence while Thomas Jefferson was out back banging Sally. All I ask is that you not be a dick about it.

Going to the Senate chamber and trying to shout down a Hindu from Nevada with cries of "No Lord but Jesus Christ!" and "There's only one true God!"? That qualifies as being a dick about it. That over-qualifies as being a dick about it. You could cut the dickishness by 90% and still have twice as much dickishness as you'd need to qualify as being a huge fucking dick about it. Seriously.

I mean, I think Ganesha is almost as silly as Jesus. Ganesha gets a bit of extra credit for looking cooler, but that's it. The Hindus don't have any lock on metaphysical truth, either. But let's take a moment to compare what the shouting nutjob's message was:

"Lord Jesus, forgive us father for allowing a prayer of the wicked, which is an abomination in your sight. This is an abomination. We shall have no other gods before You."

...with the message they were trying to suppress:

"We meditate on the transcendental glory of the deity supreme, who is inside the heart of the earth, inside the light of the sky, and inside the soul of the heaven. May he stimulate and illuminate our minds, lead us from the unreal to the real, from darkness to light..."

Emphasis mine. Gee, I can't imagine why the Operation Save America fucktards might have had a problem with this message. Oh, they can carp all they want about "gross idolatry" and the foundation of the country, but at the end of the day, they're terrified of what might happen if their minds were ever actually stimulated or illuminated.

Luckily for folks like Benham, who can sit there and fart out obscenities like "When you stand up and are arrested, and the Hindu is allowed to go free, this country has gone upside-down.", all the Hindus in the world could utter all the invocations they could think of, and not spark the slightest stimuli or lumen in the mushy cortexes of these dickheads.